Bitter Anniversary
by moon71
Summary: Exactly one year has passed since Ayaka effectively ended her engagement to Yuki Eiri and she wants to celebrate it with Hiro. But it begins to look as though Hiro is commemorating a rather different anniversary… Part 2 here!
1. Ayaka's questions

**BITTER ANNIVERSARY**** by Moon71**

**SUMMARY: **Exactly one year has passed since Ayaka effectively ended her engagement to Yuki Eiri and she wants to celebrate it with Hiro. But it begins to look as though Hiro is commemorating a rather different anniversary…

**RATING: **T

**DISCLAIMER: **Ayaka is not my girlfriend; therefore I lay no claim to her or anyone in her world.

**NOTES: **She's not dead after all, she was only in a coma! Seriously, sorry it has taken me so long to post something new! Those who read my LJ are probably well aware of my recent stresses so I won't bother to rehash all that here. Just hope you all like this! If you're an Ayaka fan – tuck in! If you're not – bear with me, I'll be back to Pinky and Sourpuss in the blink of an eye! And if you just plain hate Ayaka and prefer to read Hiro /K… um… well… I'm sure someone else will write one presently. As for me? The words "snowball" and "hell" spring to mind…

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It was a time to celebrate. A happy anniversary. A time to rejoice in happy endings. A time, perhaps, to make things clear, to leave those she cared for in no doubt. She had been looking forward to it, making plans for it. It should all be perfect.

Only, it wasn't.

Ayaka stole a resentful glance at her favourite kimono hanging on the bedroom door, unable to shake off the feeling it was mocking her. Then she looked with equal reluctance at the mobile phone sitting on her dressing table, plugged into it's charger _just in case,_ and felt it was secretly sneering at her in its unshakeable silence. She had virtually used up all her credit calling Hiro's number, only to be greeted time after time by the dispassionate tones of his voicemail.

What had gone wrong? They had only made rough plans to meet on this day, though they had openly acknowledged what day it was. Then again, it had been Ayaka's idea – maybe Hiro didn't really like it. Did he see this anniversary differently from her? This was the day her engagement to Uesugi Eiri had ended. Was he avoiding her in case he saw regret in her eyes? She knew he sometimes still doubted her feelings for him, in spite of everything that had happened, in spite of the fact a year had passed.

But that had been the point of celebrating this date. That was what made it so important. She had thought about it over and over again and known what she felt was real and now she longed to tell Hiro the truth. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her – how he had made her feel attractive and desirable after Eiri had rejected her almost, it seemed to her, without a second glance. How Hiro's attention made her feel special, how his love for her had changed her life and brought to it new dimensions and new heights of happiness she had never imagined. She wanted to tell him that she…

Ayaka rose quickly and grabbed the kimono from its hook, slamming it decisively back into the wardrobe and drawing out an ordinary dress instead. Four days, now. Four days without a word. Usually she and Hiro did not go a day without a call or at least a text or an email. She had waited two years for Uesugi Eiri. Two years of her life wasted on wishing and hoping. She would not do that again.

For the second time in her life, she set out for Tokyo in search of answers. Answers… from a man. There was some irony in that, but at least this time she would not be quite so helpless…

Ayaka gazed pensively out of the taxi window as it turned the corner into an expensive residential street. Perhaps she should have called… but something told her that this time, as last time, she would get more answers when she could look someone in the eye.

It had been a while since she had been here. Of course she saw Hiro frequently and never resented it when Shuichi occasionally joined them for dinner or a night of clubbing, but thankfully they had never quite got to a stage of double-dating with Shuichi and Eiri. That, she felt, would be just a little too weird. The times she most often saw Eiri were backstage at Bad Luck's concerts, where she would usually find him skulking in a corner hiding behind a newspaper, trying his best not to be counted among Shuichi's groupies. He was at his most friendly on such occasions – probably relieved to have the company - and inevitably they sat together in the VIP seats.

Things, from what Hiro and Shuichi said, were good between Shuichi and Eiri. Ayaka had never managed to piece together the mystery of Eiri's sudden disappearance just before Bad Luck's first nationwide tour; Hiro had told her what he knew, but that wasn't much. Mika, her closest friend in the Uesugi family, had given little away during Eiri's absence, except to say that she and Tohma were adamant that he and Shuichi should stay apart. Ayaka had detected just a little lingering irritation in Mika's tones as she had said so, as if she still had not quite forgiven Ayaka for helping Shuichi scupper her own engagement. Tatsuha, the most accessible of the Uesugis, was sympathetic but clueless. But, at any rate, a week or so after the tour had got underway, Eiri was back, and he had even accompanied the group on the remainder of the tour.

Not that it was all, as they said, plain sailing. There had been one time, after Bad Luck had started paying off and Hiro had moved from his studio into a two bedroom flat, when Ayaka arrived to spend the night (in the spare room, as she insisted repeatedly to her parents), and found Shuichi there. He was quietly apologetic, saying only that he was giving Eiri some "space." Once she and Hiro went out, her boyfriend – she did rather like thinking of him like that – explained that once or twice Eiri got into some sort of depression and Shuichi had learned not to take it too seriously, but just absent himself for a while. When they arrived back from dinner, Shuichi was gone, leaving a note that all was fine once more and Eiri had come for him.

"He's so chilled out about it, these days," Ayaka remembered Hiro remarking as he read the note, "about so many other things too… sometimes I think aliens have abducted the real Shuichi and replaced him with some sort of defective clone…"

Ayaka had giggled, but inwardly she felt a rush of… yes, she decided, of pride. Seguchi and Mika, the two people who had claimed to know Eiri best, had thought Shuichi bad for Eiri, but Shuichi hadn't listened to them and in the end it was he who had been right. That meant she had not sacrificed the longings of her own heart for nothing. She _had_ done the right thing.

"This is the place," she said to the taxi driver, "stop here, please."

* * *

"Ayaka-san!" Shuichi blinked as he threw open the door. He glanced over her shoulder to the waiting taxi, then smiled expectantly. "What's up? Are you – " he broke off as Eiri's voice called impatiently from inside. "No, it's Ayaka! I won't be a minute! Sorry," he added, turning back to her, "it's really nice to see you, Ayaka-san, but we're in a bit of a hurry – Eiri's taking me to the seaside for a week! Isn't that great? I can't wait to dive into the sea! And… between you and me…" he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially, "I'm planning to buy a beach-ball… and a bucket and spade…"

"Shindou-san…" Ayaka began hesitantly.

"I've told you, Ayaka, it's Shuichi!"

"Oh – yes – Shuichi-san… I…" Ayaka felt a blush suffuse her cheeks. Shuichi seemed so guileless. Surely if there was something wrong with Hiro, if he _had _changed his mind about her, or even – she felt her heart squeeze painfully – met someone else, surely Shuichi would know? "I was wondering if you'd seen Hiroshi-san? The fact is, I've been trying to call him for a – for a while now, and he isn't answering his phone…"

A shadow passed over Shuichi's face. He lowered his eyes, his smile fading. "I…"

"Please, Shin- Shuichi-san…" Ayaka breathed, "if there's anything wrong, if I've done something, please tell me…"

Shuichi looked up then, his eyes filled with sadness. "Go and see him, Ayaka-chan," he said softly. "I think he'd like that."

* * *

Ayaka could not help the pounding of her heart or the burning heat of her face or the stinging of her eyes as she rode in the taxi once more. So Shuichi and Eiri were celebrating too – with a trip to the seaside! How romantic! She hated the surge of resentment she felt, but she could not drive it away. What was worse, whatever was wrong with Hiro, Shuichi obviously knew about it before she did. Was that how little they all thought of her? Was Shuichi telling her to go and see Hiro because he already knew there was bad news waiting for her?

She was in half a mind to tell the driver to turn the taxi around and take her back to the station. But she refused to do it. She would confront Hiro. The last time she had made a reckless trip to Tokyo, Hiro and Shuichi had both kept the truth from her – so, as it turned out, had Mika and Tatsuha. Only Eiri had been honest, and that was for reasons of his own. Now she actually wished she'd seen him too, though his voice when he had called Shuichi had sounded irritable. She doubted he would be bothered to hide the truth from her this time either.

Surely there was a good reason for Hiro's silence? Surely he could not be about to reject her? Not after she had trusted him with her broken heart? Only now she realised just how much faith she had put in his affection for her. Well, whatever was going on, she would find out. She was not going to be made a fool of again!

**TBC: **So what's up with Hiro? Or have you already done the maths and worked that out for yourselves? All will be revealed in Part Two!


	2. Hiro's answers

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BITTER ANNIVERSARY by Moon71

**PART 2: **Angry and confused, Ayaka makes her way to Hiro's house to confront him. But she's in for a shock…

**NOTE:** Thank you to all who took time to welcome me back from the dead and review part one – I still have a few more Grav stories in me and I'll try to be quicker in the future!

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"Ayaka-san…" Hiro greeted her with the same blank look as Shuichi had, with the exception that his expression did not immediately blossom into an easy smile. "What are you doing here…?"

Ayaka didn't answer him at once. She just stared. She had never seen him looking so… untidy. That flowing autumn-tinted hair of his was always clean and brushed to a shine, his clothes casual but neat, his face scrubbed and close shaven. Now his hair looked dirty and lank and there was several days' worth of stubble on his cheeks. As she moved closer to him, she smelled tobacco, beer and unwashed clothes.

"Hiro…?" In her surprise, Ayaka forgot both her anger and her characteristic formality. "Hiro, what has happened…?"

What, she found herself wondering rather incongruously, would her parents make of him now? They had been cool to say the least when she had first told them about him – a longhaired city boy in a pop band, and, far worse, a friend of that pink-haired Shindou person who had dressed up as their daughter and nearly given Uesugi-san a heart attack. But Hiro's attractive presence and friendly charm had easily defeated Ayaka's mother and his high intelligence, good manners and natural deference had eventually softened her father. She could only imagine their reaction if they found out he had been behaving poorly to her after all.

A faint blush coloured Hiro's cheeks. "I… wasn't exactly expecting company," he told her in a dull voice, lowering his eyes. He had made no move to invite her in.

"I'm sorry, Hiroshi-san," Ayaka replied, drawing herself up coldly, "it was very rude of me to turn up here uninvited, I'll leave at once…"

A strong hand grasped her arm, none too gently. "Ayaka-chan, wait…"

Reluctantly, Ayaka turned back. "I really am sorry," she said in a softer tone, "I shouldn't have come. But you wouldn't answer your phone, and… Shindou-san seemed to think you might like to see me…"

"Shuichi…?" Hiro shook his head, running a hand through his long hair. "I can't believe that guy sometimes… he knew exactly how I was feeling after all… there was a time when you could've hung yourself in front of him and he'd still carry on complaining about Yuki-san… sometimes it's hard to take in how much he's changed…"

"I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"Forget it…" Hiro stepped back from the doorway at last, beckoning her in. "Please ignore the mess, Ayaka-chan," he mumbled, "I…"

"It's all right, Hiro-san," Ayaka replied, venturing a cautious smile. "Why don't I make us some tea, and then we can talk… if you'd like to?"

"Yeah…" Hiro sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah…"

* * *

"I didn't think I'd feel this way about it, not after a year," Hiro said as he sipped his tea. "It was Shuichi babbling on about this trip to the seaside that really set me off, I suppose. Things have been moving so fast for us this last year, it's hard to know where the time's gone. But I guess it was always there, lurking at the back of my mind…"

Ayaka listened in silence, trying to ignore the tightness in her chest. The flat, like its occupant, was untidy and smelled stale. She had gone to open a window but he had told her not to in what for him was a strident tone. Nor would he let her wash the dirty dishes in the sink, or throw away the beer cans, cigarette packets or three-day-old takeaway boxes. So she had quietly brewed the tea, and served it in silence.

Hiro took another sip of tea and closed his eyes. "I thought it was just one of Shuichi's stupid arguments with Yuki-san. He'd been living with him for over a month by then, and it was never exactly smooth running. They were always having pointless rows about nothing – nine out of ten times it was Shuichi being hyper and Yuki being anal. I even went to see Yuki-san once, after they'd had a row and he'd kicked Shuichi out of his house – I'd never met him before and I wanted to see what kind of man he was - and to see that he treated Shuichi okay. And, I suppose, to let him know what sort of person Shuichi was. People tend to just dismiss Shu as an idiot when they first meet him; they don't know how to take him and many of them don't waste time trying to find out more.

"Actually I was surprised by how… receptive he was. I mean, sure, he was flippant and sarcastic, no surprise there… but he did go and find Shuichi, and took him home with him… All the same, after a month I was beginning to feel like their marriage guidance counsellor…! After all, I worked out that Shuichi was in love with Yuki-san long before he did!"

"And I knew Eiri-san was in love with Shindou-san before _he_ did," Ayaka admitted quietly.

She was rewarded by a faint smile from Hiro. "They really are an impossible pair, aren't they? Where would they be without us…?" But the smile died quickly. "That's all it seemed like to me at the time… good fun. We never thought…" He shook his head. "Anyway… one day Yuki-san just packed Shuichi's stuff for him and told him to get out. Of course Shuichi came to me in floods of tears and I took him out for supper and we talked. I didn't take it too seriously, as I said; I thought he'd just said or done something stupid, so I just told him to go home and apologise.

"But there was one factor neither of us was counting on." Hiro laid aside his cup and sank his head into his hands. "Namely, a bastard called Aizawa."

Ayaka felt a sudden chill. She had heard that name mentioned, but only in whispers.

Hiro gave a deep sigh, more like a moan. "I never took _him_ seriously, either. He was in rival band – at the time, they were the pride of NG records, not us. They were good enough, I guess, good enough to get the backing of Seguchi-san at least, but Aizawa didn't have Shuichi's talent, or his charm, and he knew it. We'd had a few spats with him and his band-mates, but that was it… none of us guessed how far Aizawa would take things…"

Ayaka swallowed with difficulty. "What happened, Hiro-san…?"

"It seems as though Aizawa was looking for any opportunity to bring Shuichi down, and Bad Luck with him. I think he'd started suspecting fairly early on that something was going on with Shuichi and Yuki-san, and when Shuichi… well… made that public confession – you know – _Yuki is mine! – "_

"I remember…" Ayaka whispered. That memory normally made her smile, but for the first time it gave her a sense of unease.

"Well, Aizawa was many things but he wasn't stupid. He put two and two together and managed to make four. I'd put money on it being him who leaked rumours of who "Yuki" was to one of those pop mags – it turns out that was the reason Yuki-san dumped Shuichi, or at least it gave him the excuse he needed… it still confuses the hell out of me to guess what that man's thinking… Anyway, that wasn't enough for Aizawa…"

Hiro closed his eyes. "He caught Shuichi on the underground, on his way to Yuki-san's that evening. I don't know if he'd been following him or he just got lucky or what… but he took Shuichi home with him and got him drunk. The poor kid can hardly hold one bottle of Alco pop, let alone the whiskey that bastard poured into him… then he called in these three thugs…

"They took him down to the car park in the basement and beat the crap out of him. And they did something worse."

"Worse…? But what could they possibly do that was worse than…" Ayaka trailed off, feeling ice gather in the pit of her stomach. "Oh _no…_ Hiro, no…"

Hiro finally looked up at her then, his storm-coloured eyes swimming with tears. "They hurt him, Ayaka," he whispered helplessly, "they hurt him in the worst possible way…"

Ayaka pressed a trembling hand over her mouth, fearing a cry of distress might break free. She watched Hiro's misery and longed to reach for him, longed to comfort him, but knew that was not what he wanted, not just then. The ice gathered in her belly seemed to be slowly spreading through her body, making her shiver. Heat replaced cold, cold replaced heat, as if she had caught a fever.

"That poor, poor boy," she heard herself murmur, "how frightened he must have been… and how alone he must have felt…"

"I still don't know exactly how he got out of there," Hiro continued after drawing in a shuddering breath, "let alone how he found the energy to get to my place. I'll never forget the sound of his voice when he called me, or the way he looked when I found him sitting in the rain outside my block… once I got him inside he told me that the son of a bitch actually took _pictures_ and threatened to publish them if Shuichi didn't give up his career… and if Shuichi didn't play along, he'd tell the papers all about Yuki-san… And the craziest thing of all was that Shuichi still seemed so fucking _innocent - _he couldn't understand why this had happened to him, why anyone might think it was wrong for him and Yuki-san to be together…"

Hiro cursed softly, wiping roughly at his eyes and reaching for his cigarettes. He didn't smoke very often; almost never in front of her. Ayaka watched mutely as he lit one with trembling fingers, trying to digest all she had just been told. So many missing pieces of the puzzle surrounding Eiri's sudden, quite unexpected proposal of marriage to her were falling into place at once. But the completed picture was a horrible surprise.

She had known instinctively that something was badly wrong – not even her desperate love for Eiri could have blinded her to the fact that he had not suddenly begun to return her feelings, that he was not proposing to her because he longed to marry her. She had even guessed that it had something to do with Shuichi. But she still didn't understand it all. Why had he run away from Tokyo, back to Kyoto? Because he didn't want to deal with what Shuichi had been through? Surely Eiri was not that callous, not if he really was the man she had fallen in love with. Then perhaps he somehow felt responsible? Reluctantly she pushed such speculations out of her mind. This was not about Eiri. For her, it should never be about Eiri again.

"Do you and Shindou-san ever talk about this?" she asked at last. "Perhaps if you told him how much you…"

"Shuichi almost never talks about it," Hiro cut in, shaking his head. "Whenever I mention it he changes the subject, or just says that it had to happen. That it was inevitable."

"Karma…?" Ayaka asked doubtfully. Shuichi had never struck her as the fatalistic type.

Hiro gave a humourless chuckle. "Maybe, judged by his own insane Shuichi-logic. To tell you the truth, I still don't understand exactly where he's coming from on that, but I know its something to do with Yuki-san. It's almost as if Shuichi thinks he _had _to go through that in order to win Yuki-san in the end, as if somehow it gave him the edge he needed. I thought at first he meant because Yuki-san felt guilty enough to stay with him, but that's not it. I think its something to do with Yuki-san's past, with whatever screwed him up so bad in the first place."

A meaningful glance passed between them then, but Hiro shook his head once more. "Believe me, if I knew I'd tell you, Ayaka-chan. But for someone whose mouth usually works independently of his brain, Shuichi is remarkably discreet when it comes to his beloved Yuki!"

Ayaka couldn't resist a small, affectionate smile. Hiro returned it briefly, but his eyes quickly grew dull as he raised the cigarette to his lips and drew hard upon it. "Sometimes I wish he _would _talk about it. Shuichi, I mean. About what those bastards did to him. All of it, every revolting detail. He should tell me, I deserve to hear it. I deserve to suffer through it with him. I wish he'd tell me everything, even down to the fear and the pain and the loneliness… and the anger. He _should _get angry!" he said with sudden passion, _"he_ _should admit the truth!"_

"What truth, Hiro-san?" Ayaka asked very softly, "I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"The only truth that matters!" Hiro sprang to his feet, suddenly looking angrier than she had ever seen him. _"That it was my fault!"_

"_Yours…?" _Ayaka stared at him in genuine confusion. "Hiro-san, how on earth could it be _your – "_

"Haven't you heard a word I_ said?" _Hiro snarled, rounding sharply on her, _"he was with me that evening! __I _told him to go to Yuki-san! _I _brushed his complaints aside, _I _made light of his unhappiness, and _I _sent him off alone – right into the arms of that son-of-a-bitch Aizawa! I love him, Ayaka-chan," he cried desperately, the tears now slipping unhindered down his cheeks, "sometimes I think I love him more than my own brother Yuuji! And what happened to him was my fault! They – they _raped_ my best friend and it was _my fault!"_

Ayaka remained still and silent for a long time, her eyes downcast, not even reacting when she heard Hiro's fist crack against the wall. Finally, Hiro sank down beside her, breathing heavily. Slowly, blindly, he reached out his hand, and she slipped her own around it, stroking the bruised knuckles.

Shame overwhelmed her. How petty her worries seemed in the face of this horrifying revelation. She had thought Eiri was taking his lover away to celebrate their escape from her. She had worried Hiro no longer cared for her. She had only been thinking of her own problems. How could she have been so selfish and stupid? Reluctantly she allowed her mind to wander back to that evening outside Eiri's home, when she had accused Shuichi of being false in his feelings for the man they both loved. She had suspected something was wrong, but she had never guessed…

But how could she have guessed? How could she ever have known…?

How could anyone know…?

She awoke from her thoughts as Hiro drew in a shaky breath, squeezing her hand. "I'm… I… I didn't…"

"It's all right," she told him at once. She felt her heartbeat quicken as she cleared her throat and added, "but it really wasn't your fault."

Hiro rolled his eyes. "Right. Then whose fault was it? Shuichi's?"

"Of course not!" Ayaka cried with some heat.

Hiro shrugged. "Whose then? Yuki-san's? I used to think so. I told him it was his fault, when I went to tell him exactly what Shuichi had gone through to protect him. I hated him that day; I wanted it to be his fault. I thought he only broke up with Shuichi because he was afraid if people found out he was gay they'd stop reading his books. I thought he was just placing his precious reputation before Shuichi. But as time's gone on I've realised that in that upside-down, back- to-front, inside-out, say-one-thing-and-do-another Yuki-san fashion which had poor Shu-kun spinning in circles for the first few weeks of their relationship, he was really trying to protect Shuichi – from himself, as well as from the rest of the world…"

Ayaka drew in a deep breath. "No," she answered carefully, "it wasn't Eiri-san's fault, any more than it was yours. If anyone is to blame… then it must surely be… me."

"– _Ayaka –!"_ Incredulous laughter broke from Hiro. "What the hell…?"

"I'm quite serious, Hiro-san," she persisted, primly smoothing her skirt. "Think about it. I came to Tokyo uninvited and unwanted. I backed Shindou-san into a corner by making Eiri-san escort me to your concert. Shindou-san declared his love for Eiri-san publicly because he saw me and Eiri-san together. You said yourself this… Aizawa… worked it out after that… if I had stayed away, perhaps none of this would ever have happened…"

"Ayaka-chan, that's completely ridiculous…" For the first time, Hiro's voice held the tenderness Ayaka had grown to love. "You… you didn't do anything wrong! You were – " he hesitated, then looked into her eyes. "You were in love. How could you ever have known what Aizawa would do?"

"So you're saying that I'm not responsible for the wickedness in Aizawa's heart," Ayaka replied softly.

"Of course you aren't!"

"But don't you see then, Hiro-san?" Gently Ayaka pressed his hand. "If you're absolving me of guilt, then you have to absolve yourself as well. For you couldn't have known either."

Hiro stared at her for a long moment, his eyes burning. He did not want to accept the logic she offered, but she knew he was too intelligent to refute it. He pulled his hand free of hers and got to his feet once more. He crushed out his cigarette, stalking over to the window and throwing it open to let some fresh air in at last. Gazing outwards, he gave a small, wry chuckle. "You deliberately led me into that," he said. "I watched you trap poor Shuichi into fighting for Yuki-san, but I never thought you could catch _me_ out the same way! Tell me something… does your father know what a devious little minx you are, Usami Ayaka-san?"

Ayaka felt her cheeks flame. "My heart is pure, at least… but in this case, I do think I'm right."

Hiro's gaze became wistful. "That's what Shuichi thinks, at any rate. He never says so, but I know it's what he thinks. He never blamed Yuki-san – he never even seemed bothered about getting Aizawa punished. The only time he ever went for the bastard's throat was when he tried threatening Yuki-san face-to-face…"

"Shuichi is a dear person," Ayaka stated definitively. "He has been through so much, and yet he still smiles and laughs and he still loves with an open heart… no-one else could have brought Eiri-san to where he is now…" She reached out, caressed Hiro's stubble-roughened cheek. "Perhaps the best way we can all atone for our part in what happened to him is to follow his example… about forgiving… and about forgetting. And about trusting in our feelings for one another…"

"Spoken like a true temple daughter…" Hiro's eyes softened at last and a natural smile curved his lips.

Ayaka lowered her eyes and smiled too. "You wouldn't have me any other way…"

"By the way… that bit about trusting in our feelings… exactly what did you…"

Before he could finish, Ayaka leaned forward and kissed him quickly, shyly, but firmly upon the mouth. "Happy Anniversary, Hiro-chan," she said.

23/8/07


End file.
